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<TITLE>JavaScript Source Code 3000:  Messages:  Random Funny Quote</TITLE>
<META HTTP-EQUIV="JavaScript Source Code 3000" CONTENT = "no-cache">
<META NAME="date" CONTENT="2000-09-09">
<META NAME="channel" CONTENT="Web Developer">
<META NAME="author" CONTENT="JavaScript Source Code 3000">
<META NAME="section" CONTENT="Messages">
<META NAME="description" CONTENT="Of all the random message JavaScripts here at TJS, I probably like this one the most.  It's hilarious!  The JavaScript will randomly pick and write a 
quote to your web page.  They're all funny!  You'll love 'em!">



<SCRIPT LANGUAGE="JavaScript">
<!-- Begin
function gene(form) {
day = new Date()
hr = day.getSeconds()
if (hr == ("1"))
tag=("hello")  
if (hr == ("0"))
tag=("Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.")
if (hr == ("1"))
tag=("Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?")
if (hr == ("2"))
tag=("Give me ambiguity or give me something else.")
if (hr == ("3"))
tag=("I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!")
if (hr == ("4"))
tag=("We are born naked, wet and hungry.  Then things get worse.")
if (hr == ("5"))
tag=("Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.")
if (hr == ("6"))
tag=("Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!")
if (hr == ("7"))
tag=("Did anyone see my lost carrier?")
if (hr == ("8"))
tag=("Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.")
if (hr == ("9"))
tag=("I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!")
if (hr == ("10"))
tag=("He who laughs last thinks slowest!")
if (hr == ("11"))
tag=("Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.")
if (hr == ("12"))
tag=("Save the whales, collect the whole set")
if (hr == ("13"))
tag=("A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.")
if (hr == ("14"))
tag=("Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.")
if (hr == ("15"))
tag=("There's too much blood in my caffeine system.")
if (hr == ("16"))
tag=("Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.")
if (hr == ("17"))
tag=("Hard work has a future payoff.  Laziness pays off now.")
if (hr == ("18"))
tag=("Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.")
if (hr == ("19"))
tag=("I wont rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.")
if (hr == ("20"))
tag=("Ever notice how fast Windows runs?  Neither did I.")
if (hr == ("21"))
tag=("Double your drive space - delete Windows!")
if (hr == ("22"))
tag=("What is a free gift ? Aren't all gifts free?")
if (hr == ("23"))
tag=("If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.")
if (hr == ("24"))
tag=("Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.")
if (hr == ("25"))
tag=("Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.")
if (hr == ("25"))
tag=("Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.")
if (hr == ("26"))
tag=("Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.")
if (hr == ("27"))
tag=("I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.")
if (hr == ("28"))
tag=("Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.")
if (hr == ("29"))
tag=("I don't suffer from insanity.  I enjoy every minute of it.")
if (hr == ("30"))
tag=("A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.")
if (hr == ("31"))
tag=("Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.")
if (hr == ("32"))
tag=("The gene pool could use a little chlorine.")
if (hr == ("33"))
tag=("When there's a will, I want to be in it.")
if (hr == ("34"))
tag=("Okay, who put a stop payment on my reality check?")
if (hr == ("35"))
tag=("Few women admit their age.  Few men act theirs.")
if (hr == ("36"))
tag=("I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.")
if (hr == ("37"))
tag=("We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?")
if (hr == ("38"))
tag=("All generalizations are false, including this one.")
if (hr == ("39"))
tag=("Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.")
if (hr == ("40"))
tag=("C program run.  C program crash.  C programmer quit.")
if (hr == ("41"))
tag=("Criminal Lawyer is a redundancy.")
if (hr == ("42"))
tag=("Clap on! , Clap off! clap@#&$NO CARRIER ")
if (hr == ("43"))
tag=("640K ought to be enough for anybody. - Bill Gates 81")
if (hr == ("44"))
tag=("90% of all statistics are made up")
if (hr == ("45"))
tag=("A man needs a good memory after he has lied.")
if (hr == ("46"))
tag=("A little work, a little sleep, a little love and it is all over.")
if (hr == ("47"))
tag=("A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.")
if (hr == ("48"))
tag=("Apple copyright 6024 b.c., Adam & Eve.")
if (hr == ("49"))
tag=("Apple Copyright 1767, Sir Isaac Newton.")
if (hr == ("50"))
tag=("Bad knee, gotta run - Pat Buchanan to his draft board.")
if (hr == ("51"))
tag=("Beam me aboard, Scotty..... Sure. Will a 2x10 do?")
if (hr == ("52"))
tag=("Beulah, peel me a grape.")
if (hr == ("53"))
tag=("Bother, said Pooh as the brakes went out!")
if (hr == ("54"))
tag=("Build a watch in 179 easy steps - by C. Forsberg.")
if (hr == ("55"))
tag=("C++ should have been called B")
if (hr == ("56"))
tag=("COINCIDENCE happens.")
if (hr == ("57"))
tag=("Calvin, we will not have an anatomically correct snowman!")
if (hr == ("58"))
tag=("Careful.  We don't want to learn from this. -- Calvin")
if (hr == ("59"))
tag=("Energizer Bunny Arrested! Charged with battery.")
form.tagline.value=(tag)
}
// End -->
</SCRIPT>
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Home</A> </b><img src="../img/arrow.gif" /img/arrow.gif" height=13 width=7 border=0 alt="}"> <b><A HREF="index.htm" /messages/"><font color="#FF0000">Messages</font></A> </b>
<img src="../img/arrow.gif" /img/arrow.gif" height=13 width=7 border=0 alt="}"> <FONT COLOR="#006666">Random Funny Quote</FONT></b></FONT><BR>
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<!-- Description --><!--content_start-->

Of all the random message JavaScripts here at TJS, I probably like this one 
the most.  It's hilarious!  The JavaScript will randomly pick and write a 
quote to your web page.  They're all funny!  You'll love 'em!<br><hr>
</td></tr>
</table>
<!--  Demonstration -->
<BODY>
<CENTER>
<FORM>
<TABLE width=70%>
<TR>
<TD><b><kbd>Click on the generate button</KBD></b></TD>
<TD><input type="button" value="GENERATE" onclick="gene(this.form)"></TD>
</TR>
</TABLE>
<input type=text NAME="tagline" size="70">
</FORM>
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<tr><td BGCOLOR=yellow><font FACE="helvetica,arial,geneva"><b>JavaScript Source Code 3000:  Messages:  Random Funny Quote</b>
<p>Simply click inside the window below, use your cursor to highlight the script, and copy (type Control-c or Apple-c) the script into a new file in your text editor (such as NotePad or SimpleText) and save (Control-s or Apple-s).  The script is yours!<br><br></font></td></tr>
<tr><td BGCOLOR=yellow ALIGN=CENTER>
<form NAME="copy">

<DIV align="center">
<input type=button value="Highlight All" onClick="javascript:this.form.txt.focus();this.form.txt.select();">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;
<INPUT TYPE="text" NAME="total" VALUE="Script Size:  5.44 KB  " size="24">
</DIV>

<textarea NAME="txt" ROWS=20 COLS=75 WRAP=VIRTUAL>

&lt;!-- TWO STEPS TO INSTALL RANDOM FUNNY QUOTE:

   1.  Paste the coding into the HEAD of your HTML document
   2.  Add the last code into the BODY of your HTML document  --&gt;

&lt;!-- STEP ONE: Copy this code into the HEAD of your HTML document  --&gt;

&lt;HEAD&gt;

&lt;SCRIPT LANGUAGE="JavaScript"&gt;

&lt;! &gt;
&lt;! &gt;

&lt;!-- Begin
function gene(form) {
day = new Date()
hr = day.getSeconds()
if (hr == ("1"))
tag=("hello")  
if (hr == ("0"))
tag=("Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.")
if (hr == ("1"))
tag=("Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?")
if (hr == ("2"))
tag=("Give me ambiguity or give me something else.")
if (hr == ("3"))
tag=("I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!")
if (hr == ("4"))
tag=("We are born naked, wet and hungry.  Then things get worse.")
if (hr == ("5"))
tag=("Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.")
if (hr == ("6"))
tag=("Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!")
if (hr == ("7"))
tag=("Did anyone see my lost carrier?")
if (hr == ("8"))
tag=("Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.")
if (hr == ("9"))
tag=("I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!")
if (hr == ("10"))
tag=("He who laughs last thinks slowest!")
if (hr == ("11"))
tag=("Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.")
if (hr == ("12"))
tag=("Save the whales, collect the whole set")
if (hr == ("13"))
tag=("A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.")
if (hr == ("14"))
tag=("Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.")
if (hr == ("15"))
tag=("There's too much blood in my caffeine system.")
if (hr == ("16"))
tag=("Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.")
if (hr == ("17"))
tag=("Hard work has a future payoff.  Laziness pays off now.")
if (hr == ("18"))
tag=("Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.")
if (hr == ("19"))
tag=("I wont rise to the occaasion, but I'll slide over to it.")
if (hr == ("20"))
tag=("Ever notice how fast Windows runs?  Neither did I.")
if (hr == ("21"))
tag=("Double your drive space - delete Windows!")
if (hr == ("22"))
tag=("What is a free gift ? Aren't all gifts free?")
if (hr == ("23"))
tag=("If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.")
if (hr == ("24"))
tag=("Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.")
if (hr == ("25"))
tag=("Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.")
if (hr == ("25"))
tag=("Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.")
if (hr == ("26"))
tag=("Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.")
if (hr == ("27"))
tag=("I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.")
if (hr == ("28"))
tag=("Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.")
if (hr == ("29"))
tag=("I don't suffer from insanity.  I enjoy every minute of it.")
if (hr == ("30"))
tag=("A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.")
if (hr == ("31"))
tag=("Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.")
if (hr == ("32"))
tag=("The gene pool could use a little chlorine.")
if (hr == ("33"))
tag=("When there's a will, I want to be in it.")
if (hr == ("34"))
tag=("Okay, who put a stop payment on my reality check?")
if (hr == ("35"))
tag=("Few women admit their age.  Few men act theirs.")
if (hr == ("36"))
tag=("I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.")
if (hr == ("37"))
tag=("We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?")
if (hr == ("38"))
tag=("All generalizations are false, including this one.")
if (hr == ("39"))
tag=("Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.")
if (hr == ("40"))
tag=("C program run.  C program crash.  C programmer quit.")
if (hr == ("41"))
tag=("Criminal Lawyer is a redundancy.")
if (hr == ("42"))
tag=("Clap on! , Clap off! clap@#&$NO CARRIER ")
if (hr == ("43"))
tag=("640K ought to be enough for anybody. - Bill Gates 81")
if (hr == ("44"))
tag=("90% of all statistics are made up")
if (hr == ("45"))
tag=("A man needs a good memory after he has lied.")
if (hr == ("46"))
tag=("A little work, a little sleep, a little love and it is all over.")
if (hr == ("47"))
tag=("A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.")
if (hr == ("48"))
tag=("Apple copyright 6024 b.c., Adam & Eve")
if (hr == ("49"))
tag=("Apple Copyright 1767, Sir Isaac Newton.")
if (hr == ("50"))
tag=("Bad knee, gotta run - Pat Buchanan to his draft board")
if (hr == ("51"))
tag=("Beam me aboard, Scotty..... Sure. Will a 2x10 do?")
if (hr == ("52"))
tag=("Beulah, peel me a grape.")
if (hr == ("53"))
tag=("Bother, said Pooh as the brakes went out!")
if (hr == ("54"))
tag=("Build a watch in 179 easy steps - by C. Forsberg.")
if (hr == ("55"))
tag=("C++ should have been called B")
if (hr == ("56"))
tag=("COINCIDENCE happens.")
if (hr == ("57"))
tag=("Calvin, we will not have an anatomically correct snowman!")
if (hr == ("58"))
tag=("Careful.  We don't want to learn from this. -- Calvin")
if (hr == ("59"))
tag=("Energizer Bunny Arrested! Charged with battery.")
form.tagline.value=(tag)
}
// End --&gt;
&lt;/SCRIPT&gt;

&lt;!-- STEP TWO: Put this code into the BODY of your HTML document  --&gt;

&lt;BODY&gt;

&lt;CENTER&gt;
&lt;FORM&gt;
&lt;TABLE width=70%&gt;
&lt;TR&gt;
&lt;TD&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;kbd&gt;Click on the generate button&lt;/KBD&gt;&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/TD&gt;
&lt;TD&gt;&lt;input type="button" value="GENERATE" onclick="gene(this.form)"&gt;&lt;/TD&gt;
&lt;/TR&gt;
&lt;/TABLE&gt;
&lt;input type=text NAME="tagline" size="70"&gt;
&lt;/FORM&gt;
&lt;/CENTER&gt;

 

&lt;!-- Script Size:  5.44 KB  --&gt;
</textarea><br><font FACE="helvetica,arial,geneva"></font></td></tr>

</table>
</form>
</FONT>
</CENTER>


</center>
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